Stop explaining, start leading

How to shift from defence to definition as a creative leader, entrepreneur or founder-led brand

I have a very clear memory of sitting across from a client who couldn't stop explaining herself.

She'd spent thousands on brand strategy and a gorgeous website. Testimonials that would make most business owners weep with envy. And yet, every time she talked about her work, she sounded like she was apologising for existing.

“I know it sounds a bit woo, but...”

“I realise this approach isn't for everyone...”

“What I do is like [competitor], except...”

With each qualifier, I watched her power drain away like blood from a severed artery. By the time she got to the actual substance of her work — which was genuinely fucking revolutionary, if I do say — the energy in the virtual room had flatlined.

Another brilliant business, dead on arrival.

This is what happens when you're stuck in explanation mode. You become the person at the party desperately trying to convince everyone you were actually invited. All while clutching an embossed invitation in your sweaty little hand.

And it's not just her. I see this pattern everywhere.

Businesses that spend their entire existence on the defensive (and paying thousands and thousands of $ for the privilege). Constantly explaining what makes them “different”. Constantly justifying their prices. Constantly trying to convince people they belong in the conversation. Like watching someone audition for their own life.

It's fucking exhausting. And it never works.

Because the moment you start explaining your value is the moment you've surrendered your power. You've handed the keys to your business over to whoever's judgement you're trying to pass and it's all on them to decide if you're worth it. Game over before you've even started playing.

It’s not our fault. This is literally how marketing is taught (and I studied it at university). It’s how we’ve been led to believe “markets” work. Suck enough soul out of your work, then maybe you’ll belong… right? RIGHT?

The explanation trap

Here's what happens when you're caught in the explanation trap:

You position yourself as the beggar, not the chooser. When you explain, you're implicitly asking to be validated. You're saying, “here's why I deserve to be here — do you agree?” (Spoiler: they rarely do). You might as well be holding out a tin cup.

You centre other people's frameworks. Most explanation happens within someone else's paradigm. “I'm like X, but different because Y”. Or “we’re the only y in the x industry”. You're accepting their definition of the game and just trying to carve out a slightly different position within it. You're playing on their pitch, by their rules and wondering why you keep losing.

You sound defensive even when you're not. Explanation has a desperate energy. Even when your words are confident, the subtext is, “please understand me, please need me”. It's the business equivalent of drunk texting your ex at 3am.

You train your audience to question you. When you constantly explain yourself, you're teaching people that your ideas need justification and that your value isn't self-evident. This is where doubting you becomes the only appropriate response. And, people are already pre-dispositioned to doubt you. Congratulations, you've created a monster that will never be satisfied.

In business, explaining yourself in this way is just unnecessary. It doesn't build credibility — it ACTIVELY ERODES your authority with every word.

So what's the alternative?

If this is all we’ve ever been taught?

Let’s get into it.